My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
