She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
