Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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