I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
