its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize