it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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