I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize