My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
