He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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