I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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