i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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