My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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