It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
she looked like the before picture.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize