I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
