K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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