i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
