fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
This is my gift to your gina
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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