If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
