Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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