so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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