Fine. I'll sleep in my office
If that was your dad, he is hot
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Randomize
