Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize