Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
