I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
