you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
