my shit smells like andre
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
