i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
