Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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