Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
