Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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