i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
