you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
