she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
