thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
