I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
