I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
