im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
if you like me you must not know who I am
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
