She's JV to your varsity
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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