is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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