Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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