When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
