I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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