We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
