I want to make a zoo with you.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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