So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
