I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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