my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
