I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
They took my balls.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
