the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I believe in your delicious
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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