haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
