i barfeds in our rink
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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