Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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