I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize