she takes plan B like it's going out of style
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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