I'm gonna have a badass scar
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
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He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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