I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
