that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
