One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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