Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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