I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
