I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
