I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Randomize
