I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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