it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
