Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize