I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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