i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
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