The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
