We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
