he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Randomize
