We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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