So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
