She announced her abortion via fbk
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
