It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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