I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
