so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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