i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
