Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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