can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
