what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
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