So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
