Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize