I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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