Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
