Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
