I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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