I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
